After the 10 Day Fast – August 2013

I did a spiritual fast in July of 2013.  It was 10 days of fasting and 16 days of total food restriction(s), three days before and after you wean your body on and off of food with specific items to prevent distress in your body.  This was my second major (exceeding 3 days) fast.  The last major fast I completed was 5 days, that was around 2001.  I chose to fast to get closer to my inner being and spirituality.  I needed to mentally and physically cleanse, I was benefiting from the meditation, and felt I needed more.   After researching multiple sites, I found the following fasting guide the most comprehensive for my needs.  The Cru Guide to Fasting and Prayer.  I followed the program to the letter, and when it was completed I felt a new level of sensitivity. Everything was heightened and I became more attuned with the world around me. This awareness caused me to see things in a new way. More balanced and more inline with healthy limitations for myself and of others. I was regaining an inner voice of self-esteem and self-preservation that did not exist before. It had been bullied out of me, my spirit was regaining power and energy.

As I got better internally and my expectations for my own wellbeing were regained, my life circumstances revolted against my new position. The status quo was over, and turmoil was not going to go away nicely. Turmoil turned in to outright disdain and anarchy and didn’t want any survivors. In the last two years my parents divorced after 40+ years, lost the home I was raised in, my father died, I divorced after 15 years, my brother’s murderer was released after a completed sentence, and I discovered the true nature of lifelong friends and family. It wasn’t pretty.  When your life turns completely upside down, it is the perfect opportunity to reflect, prioritize and decided what you want to do.  More than anything, I wanted to discover happiness.  The joy I saw in my children’s eyes everyday.  I wanted to know that, and my current existence was as far from that beauty than I could ever imagine.  Today, I am in the business of realizing my dreams.

I am navigating this new reality with faith and my heart to guide me.   Throughout all of this I have been prayerful. When I had no more strength I continued to get on my knees and pray.  I asked for mercy and strength and it came. When I tell people I am not afraid, the Lord will provide. Those who don’t understand shake their heads.

Let me explain, I do not believe that the Lord will pay my bills. I do not believe that the Lord will give me a job. Nor do I believe that the Lord is going to raise my children. What I do know is this, when I get on my knees and pray I am filled with strength and determination. These feelings get me tapped into Universal Power, energy and the spirit of G_d. When this happens, the Lord more than provides as my mind is advanced, able and moving towards solutions. So, NO, I am not naïve enough to think that a prayer will solve it all. I am wise enough to know that the faith of my father fuels my abilities to make a means, a way and a better day than I had yesterday. So, yes, my Lord will provide. I just have to do the work. I am working on it, every day.

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